Get Festive... Or Else!

You'd better not shout.

You'd better not cry.

You'd better be good, I'm telling you why...

Santa Claus is coming to town...

When I was a kid Christmas carols were just Christmas carols, to be sung at things like Carols-in-the-Domain, reasonably innocent, although slightly confusing with their manically joyful songs about fun-loving Santa, and serious, somewhat dour songs about this baby called Jesus. But as I've grown older, and consequently more cynical and bitter, some of these songs have taken on a much more sinister air, as per example above. Lets not even go into frosty the snowman-we'll just say one word: Nightmare. Considering a lot of kids find Santa terrifying anyway (A big, old, fat guy who watches you at night and breaks into your house? What's so scary about that??) I've been thinking Christmas should get a make over... with the help of bicycles!

Christmas Inc. needs to take a course at the school of modern marketing and get on board the bicycle band-wagon.* Because if you can tell one thing from a plethora of recent advertising for all sort of products it's that BIKES SELL!

(Super-Hot-Girls on bikes also helps "sell", but I don't think we need to include S-H-G with Santa's new Image... It'd be all sorts of wrong.)

Cotton On Body has launched it's swimwear range this week, employing the locale of Byron Bay, Dancing Man, hot girls, and bikes of course! Bondi Beach Cruisers have their great trailer also using the holy trinity of girls-beach-bikes (sacrilegious pun intended, sorry god). Even lots of recent car advertising has used bikes, and that's the one that really confuses me, because most car drivers hate bicycles...

Back to XXXmas-


At least with all the pedalling he can work off all of those cookies and milk brandy milk. He might even loose the paunch, get healthy and live for another million years. And that's the story of how bicycles saved Christmas. Yay!


*A Bicycle Band-Wagon would be very cool.


Oh the freedom...

Browsing bicycle images on the internet and I was struck by how many feminine hygiene products use bicycles to show how comfortable and active you can be, while suffering the 'womanly curse'.  I have put together a collection of ones from different eras.  Each one makes me laugh, honestly who creates these commercials?  I even include some that didn't have bikes but were too funny to miss!


Am I supposed to be at work today?

Getting pushed on bike on sand is just stupid.

For that yodeller behind you...

Do we really have to wear white in order to be free?

She also doesn't care about flashing...

Its all about throwing a leg over..

Still with the bicycles...

Had to make this one big as it's just so so bizarre! 

This lady could wear anything under that dress and considering the era, 
it was probably nappy-sized.No white dress for her!

The picture below is recent.  Two girls from Melbourne entered a competition to promote Libra and did so by riding around with a giant tampon on the back of a bicycle and handing out samples.  I don't know about you but someone wearing white, riding on horseback or bike and frolicking in some sort of way with a smug smile is not really going to make me pick one brand of femine hygiene product over another.  Had the girls below turned their giant tampon into a tampon/rocket launch-pad then maybe I could be persuaded but thats just me.

In researching this blog post and all the commercials of menstruation's past, I was disturbed to discover that I don't know every femine hygiene product still in production.  Boys if you don't want to be enlightened, now is the time to stop reading...
No not the product in this ad, but I felt someone should have mentioned it to me like this ad is scripted...
This picture below is the only commerical I could find for this product and my face looked as uncomfortable and somewhat disgusted as hers does when I discovered this...

What is it you ask, well its a menstrual cup (google it if you don't know, because I don't really want to explain).  And because there are weirdos on the net who crochet tampons just for fun (see below example)..
You can bet that another weirdo will crochet a menstrual cup.

Oh yes, check it out.

(if you want the pattern its included on their page)

Now how to promote said product you ask?  Well you can do what these two girls did and travel across America by bicycle to hand out menstrual cups...  Not only that but they take everyone's email addresses who they hand them to so they can check up how they are going... Over-sharers unite!

Read all about their feminine hygiene adventures here: www.sustainablecycles.wordpress.com
 The two sustainable cyclists bringing their message of eco-friendly virtue to the world... If I was wearing one of these I think I would be hopping on my bike this awkwardly as well.. 

So the supposed benefit of these menstrual cups is they are more eco-friendly than tampons but you know so is the pill.  The cups are re-usable, just boil them in some water after use.  Yep, think of how much fun this would be to do in a share-house, in the kitchen, in a saucepan or living with your boyfriend.  And so my final word on this is: be eco-friendly, its a great thing, but do it riding a bike, recycling, growing your own vege patch, the 'Diva Cup' is one carbon-reducing step too much for me.